So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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