every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
organizing the empties. That sober.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
