Pappa wants mamma naked
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
