He disabled his match.com account in front of me
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
