I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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