I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
