Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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