I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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