you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
