is your mom at the bar?
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
