I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it because I queefed?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
