She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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