I think my vagina is haunted
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize