At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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