You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize