This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
