you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
