I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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