I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
accomplished twins. life is a go
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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