We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
