i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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