I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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