the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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