There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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