Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I deserve this hangover.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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