Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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