yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
