So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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