Do you still have your period?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
