so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
