just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
