everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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