Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
