we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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