I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
