by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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