he was CRYING into my vagina
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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