just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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