The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize