The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
