my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
