I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
