I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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