she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Randomize
