in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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