At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
