I heard we made out
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
