next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
