did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
