I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
