we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
