As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
MIDGETS
????
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
