I'm laying in your front yard are you home
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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