just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
