I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
