FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
