I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
