I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
