Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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