i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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