Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
