Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
