Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
