Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
