Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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