how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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