He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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