I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
