So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
